How to build good habits (and break bad ones)

What are the things you do everyday? 

You probably brush your teeth, make coffee, and go to work. You might also bite your nails, scroll on your phone during your breaks, and stay up too late watching Netflix.

Many of these behaviours fall under the umbrella of “habits,” which are things we do repetitively. Good or bad, habits shape who we are and how we spend our days. 

Knowing how to build better habits — and how to break the bad ones — is key to becoming a better human. 

What is a habit?

A habit is any behaviour or thought that you repeat, often automatically, throughout the day. Research shows that habits make up about 40% of our daily actions.

Most habits are formed by a combination of consistency and reward-seeking mechanisms in the brain. When we perform the actions that make up our habits, we’re usually rewarded with something. For some, this is positive: a morning walk with the dog can boost endorphins and start your day on a brighter note. For others, it’s negative: scrolling through social media gives you a dopamine rush that doesn’t have a long-term benefit. 

Here are some common habits we might share:

• Buckling up when you get into a car 
• Pulling out your phone when you sit down on public transit
• Eating a meal as soon as you finish a workout
• Washing your dishes after you eat a meal (we hope so!)
• Calling your mom when you’ve had a bad day

How are habits formed?

Your brain forms a habit through a three-step process. First, there’s a cue that prompts your brain to act. That cue triggers a set of actions, which then gives your brain some type of reward. 

For example, you might reach for your phone to send a message. But the action of reaching for your phone triggers you to immediately open Instagram, giving your brain a dopamine boost that distracts you from your initial intent.

Some habits, like mindless scrolling, are really hard to break because the reward is so large. Even though we know that spending too much time on our phones can harm our mental health, social media is really addicting by design. 

Why do habits matter?

Because many habits happen automatically, they have a massive impact on our day-to-day life. Being able to build healthier habits sets us up for healthier lives. 

Think about the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning. If you’re rolling out of bed a few minutes too late after snoozing your alarm clock, leaving your bed unmade and skipping breakfast, your day could start feeling rushed. When you’re sitting at your desk, you might feel hungry, and when you get home, the unmade bed makes your room feel messy and chaotic. The more you snooze, the more rushed you feel in the morning, and the less you want to start your day, forming an unfortunate cycle. 

But if you wake up at the same time every day, take a minute to make your bed, and sit down to eat something — anything! — you’re starting the day on a better note. No rushing, no hunger, and no stress of a cluttered environment to end your workday.

This is just one way that the habits you’ve formed impact your well-being. And although some of these habits might be involuntary, replacing them with healthier alternatives is in your control. 

How to build or break a habit

Building habits takes between 18 and 254 days, with an average of 66 days. How easy some habits are to form depends on the existing behaviours you practice. For example, if you’re trying to replace a bad habit with a good one — say, reading in bed each evening instead of scrolling on TikTok — it might be easier than starting a new behaviour altogether. Breaking bad habits entirely, like quitting smoking, might be harder.

That doesn’t mean you can’t do it, though. Quite the opposite — by reading this article, you’re already taking a major step towards building a better habit. 

Here are some tips to help you build or break habits. 

1. Identify what you want to change

Which habits are you dying to break, and what triggers those actions? Spend some time thinking about how you end up performing these “bad” habits and what would help you make them better. 

If you’re trying to stop leaving laundry on your bedroom floor, examine what prompts you to drop the clothes on the floor in the first place. Maybe your laundry hamper lives in the bathroom and you can’t be bothered to walk between rooms. In that case, moving a laundry hamper into your bedroom gives you somewhere to put those clothes to change the behaviour. 

2. Set priorities 

Take the time to reflect on the habits that you already have and those that you wish to replace. You might find that there are many healthy habits you already practice and just a few that you could replace. 

Try to rank the habits you want to build (or break) in order of importance. The actions that will have the biggest impact on your day-to-day life should be top priority. If you want to start exercising more or stop eating so much sugar, figure out which should come first to set you up for success. 

3. Start small

New Year’s Resolutions fail because they’re often too ambitious. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the best version of you won’t be, either. Decide which habits will have the biggest impact on your life and commit to those. 

To use our above example, imagine you’re trying to exercise three days a week, eat vegetables at every meal, and cut down on sugar. That’s a lot to ask of yourself all at once — especially when your habits haven’t been built.

Break your goals into steps. Start by eating more vegetables, then by exercising more, and then try to limit sugar. 

4.  Remove barriers or add obstacles

A large part of our habits is ease. Humans are simple creatures, and we want to take the path of least resistance. Changing the path can support your efforts to change which actions are automatic to you.

To lower your screen time, putting your phone in another room is a great way to add an obstacle that makes it harder for you to scroll mindlessly. Adding a laundry hamper to your bedroom is one way to remove a barrier and keep your room cleaner.

Think about what it would take for you to succeed — what you need around, and what you need further away from you — and put that in place. 

5. Stack your habits

The idea of habit stacking, outlined by S. J. Scott and popularized by James Clear, attaches new actions to old habits to encourage consistency. 

If you’re trying to be better about keeping your kitchen clean, find a habit that could pair well with a quick tidy. Standing and waiting for the kettle to boil when you make your morning coffee might be the perfect two-minute window to make sure all the dishes are clean. And this is a powerful way to start small: You don’t need to spend an hour cleaning each day. Just two minutes here or there will make a massive difference. 

6. Give yourself grace

Forming habits is hard work, and you’re bound to have a day or two where you revert to an old behaviour. That’s completely normal, and it doesn’t mean you’ve fallen off track. As long as you get yourself back on track, you’re well on your way to building a better behaviour. 

Practicing self-compassion is crucial to building habits that really last. You want the motivation to be that you deserve to live a better life, not that you’re being critical or putting pressure on yourself to succeed. 

Missing a few days doesn’t mean the habit won’t form. It just means that you’re human. 

7. Work with an accountability buddy

Find someone in your life who can keep you accountable. That might be a friend, family member, teammate, or coach who checks in on your progress and encourages you to keep going. You can even use an app to track your progress and make sure you’re checking in regularly. 

Why habits matter so much to athletes

A big part of building stronger habits is discipline, which athletes are no stranger to. Consider all of the benefits of the good routines in this athlete’s hypothetical day. Let’s call him Phil.

• Phil wakes up early enough to eat a nutritious breakfast, making sure he gets in some protein and some vegetables before he’s off to practice
• At practice, Phil has a thorough warmup and cooldown to prevent injury, including some physio exercises for an old injury 
• At school, Phil takes thorough notes and writes down instructions for upcoming assignments in a planner to make sure he doesn’t miss anything 
• When Phil gets home, he starts with his homework to make sure it gets done 
• At the end of the day, Phil has a relaxing bedtime routine so he can wind down and get the best possible sleep 

On days that Phil isn’t feeling his best, these routines have his back. He wakes up at the same time, has healthy food in the fridge, and makes sure his work gets done. These automatic behaviours free up mental energy that he can spend on more important things, like managing stress, recovering after an extra hard workout, or preparing for next week’s competition. 

Build better habits with Build Better Humans

Trying to change habitsis tough, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Phil wasn’t always so organized in the mornings, which used to lead to rushed arrivals at practice and poor warmups that negatively impacted his whole day. Now, he wakes up early enough to have a relaxing hour or two before he’s expected to perform, with ample time to focus on injury prevention and staying calm. 

At Build Better Humans, we offer 1-on-1 coaching that’s realistic about how you live and what you need. We won’t try to force a plan. Instead, we’ll listen to where you’re at and what you need before making a plan to move forwards and build habits that truly serve you.  

Whether you’re a parent looking to better support your family, an athlete trying to build a better life, or just a person trying to figure it all out, we’re here to help.
Explore 1-on-1 support here.